hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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