1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
