At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
