The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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