no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
