I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
