Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
