i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
