I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
