Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
