I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
