finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
