if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
