i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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