I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
