theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
