You can't motorboat a personality
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
