And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
