She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
