You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
