Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
