i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
