he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
