I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
