god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
