My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
