i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
