I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
