hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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