Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
