like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
