Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
