i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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