i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
