We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There are leaves in my underwear?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
