and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ketchup is God's man juice
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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