Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
