I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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