dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
