There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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