I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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