i love accidental penises.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
