WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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