Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
