It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
