Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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