I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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