I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
