I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
