I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
