We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
