He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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