he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
